RSS

When at First You Don’t Succeed

18 Feb

If at first you don’t succeed, we’re told, try, try again.

The first time is just that, a try, and it

doesn’t

count.

We go on and keep trying, bashing our heads

against

an

endless

wall

of

words,

words that betray a fear we’re forced to keep in check

to hold sacred and close

against our burning chests

upon pain of death, social death, humiliation and embarrassment

ceaseless

rotting

embarrassment

A social convention that perpetuates the cycle anew

teaches us fear of others

fear of society

fear of ourselves.

It’s opinion from which we

shrink

crumple

cry and shake

we shiver and clutch ourselves

“it will be better tomorrow”

“I promise to try my hardest”

“if I just persevere, I’ll get what I deserve”

yet we know that we’ve already failed

“If” is the key, the crux of it, the shame of it.

“If” is possibility, mere chance, not certainty.

“If” is binary, both yes and no, success and failure.

“If” is a safety, a blanket under which to curl and cry.

Because “if” shouldn’t exist.

It isn’t an eventuality.

It only happens when

you

fuck

up.

And so we’re told “if you don’t succeed.”

“If”

The immediate pressure

to perform

to understand

to succeed

We try so hard

to stack the odds in our favor,

when what we need most is balance.

“When” is different from “if”

because “when” is eventuality

unary, singular, solitary

solid, strong, stable

“When” is definite, ineffable, unavoidable

“When” will always happen, must always happen

At least once

Only after when has gone

does “if” take over

Rightfully

Truly

“When at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

 

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 18, 2011 in Writing

 

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: